In fear of yuppiedom.

I'm going to give this blog thing another bash. It's going to be rambly and irrelevant and not very dependable and only interesting sometimes. It's going to be me, but on the internet.

Earlier today I wrote a film about fears. The biggest fear I have right now is that I'm going to wake up tomorrow and discover that I've become a 25-year-old yuppie who hasn't travelled much and has stopped giving a shit about feminism and art and all that other stuff I'm into right now that hopefully isn't some coming-of-age phase, because I like feminism and art and all that other stuff.

I had an English teacher once who said she regretted waiting around so long to write. That she had all these ideas for writing when she was younger and then decided not to write them because they sounded stupid but now she never can write them because she's not in that place anymore and she'll never feel that way again. That's resonating with me a lot lately because I keep rejecting film ideas and being afraid to make anything that's truly my own, because, well, they're shit ideas, but I'll never be the way I am now again, and I'll never have these shit ideas again, and maybe I should start making that into something. Because making a shit film is better than making no film and if I keep waiting around for a great idea I'll probably never make anything ever. If that makes sense.

And now is the time when I'm finally old enough to travel on my own and I should start doing that because I dont want to lose interest in travel. Mostly I need to just stop being afraid that I'm going to get mugged/raped in the middle of Prague for long enough that I actually manage to go to Prague.

And I should go to more art exhibitions, and films, and concerts. And I should really get back on track with the whole "throw out all the shit you haven't used in the last four years" jag I was on last month. Kind of almost minimalism, but not quite.

This is just a vague rambly worried to do list to stop me waking up tomorrow and being a 25 year old yuppie, and I could go on but there's a freshly boiled kettle downstairs and my room has to be cleaned and I have essays to do and the cat's taking a nap and I might go nap with him.