Naming No Names

I was majorly pissed the day I found out that if my older brother had been a girl, may parents would've named him Laura, and it was because of this that he pushed for them to name me Laura. Which they did.

Dad wanted to name me Nancy. I always kind of remained quietly thankful of this but only a couple of years ago did I bother to ask him "Why Nancy?", to which he replied that Nancy is a commanding sort of a name. "You know when Nancy's walked into the room." Sometimes I kind of think that Nancy wouldn't have been so bad, because at least there's not many Nancys (Nancies?) around these days and there would perhaps have been more scope for nicknames. That said, primary school would have sucked even more because there wouldn't have been many Nancys around and there would have been more scope for nicknames, most of which would involve the word "pants".

When I was in playschool there was another Laura, so at the suggestion of Dad they called her Laura and me Lally. Which I hated, and to this day still do.

The thing is that I often consider adopting a different name, either socially or professionally. But I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's to kind of distance myself from my past or my reputation. But that's a bit pointless because if I were known as, say, Nancy, I'd still have the same past and reputation. It would just mean that instead of being "That weird girl Laura who ___" I'd be "that weird girl Nancy who ___". To a certain extent I hide behind names on the internet (Citeogín, lawlii, moopsykins, etc. etc.). And even then I still ask things anonymously wherever possible. I mean I could make the "in case I get famous I can avoid stalkers" argument but to be honest I doubt I'll ever be worth stalking.

And what's the big deal anyway? A name's a name's a name. Someone on the internet figures out my name isn't Citeogín at all, it's Laura Forsythe, and it goes no further than that. So what's the difference between being Laura Forsythe and Nancy Moonbeam in the end? A name's just a word you use to describe yourself.

And if we stick a pin in why for a moment, let's talk about what. I sometimes toy with using the Irish version of my mother's maiden name, for alliteration. Or any of the contractions of Dolores used in the opening paragraph of Lolita, because I love Lolita. And sometimes I just think of a random one and figure I'll use that. Like Kit. Or Andi. Or maybe some word that kind of relates to my name in an extended way, like Ren (Laura as a name stems from a contraction of Laurencia, the middle syllable of which is Ren).

And if we stick a pin in what for a moment, how? My mother, at some point or another, started using the Irish version of her name. So some of her family call her her given name but most of her friends and colleagues use the Irish version. And if you take into account the fact that at work she kept her maiden name after marriage but socially she took my Dad's the whole thing gets rather confusing and if I'm being honest if some day a lawyer or a garda asked me my mother's legal name I don't think I'd be able to give them a two-word answer.
I once did a film course with a girl, who at the end of the two weeks said "Oh and I doubt it'll ever be relevant but my real name's Tamara".

Thing is, my mother moved away from home at 17 to a city where she didn't know anyone, and her new name at least related to her old name. So maybe she just turned up in Dublin and started introducing herself as the new name. But I'm pretty sure the ship has sailed for me on that front because like it or not I'm stuck in Dublin for the next three years at least, at which point whatever recognition I have in the film industry will be under the name Laura Forsythe. Maybe I should have just gone into college on the first day and asked everyone to call me Kit. But then inevitably someone from secondary school would find out about it and I'd look a bit douchey, and what on earth would I do about Facebook?

In addition to that if I were known socially as one name and legally as another, surely it'd get a bit complicated if I got ID'd anywhere and the name on my passport was different, or if I booked a flight with someone or something. Some people I know are involved in politics and so they have two facebook pages, a public one under their given name and a private one under their Irish name (how on Earth does anyone in a unilingual country ever manage to pull this off?).

So I suppose I'd best either accept my current name, boring and reputation-laden as it is, or just take the douchey plunge and start asking people to call me Ren and hope it catches on. Or I could insult my parents and deed poll that shit. That'd be much easier.