Laura Versus Grammar Pedants

Sometimes I get this kind of 'Truman Show'-esque conspiracy theory into my head. What if I'm actually really severely dyslexic and don't know it because everyone is too polite to call me out on it?

Then I remember that that isn't possible because it is 2013 and this is the internet.

These days you can't so much as look at a keyboard without angry people and squiggly red lines correcting you. As if it's funny. As if life isn't difficult enough without your computer not understanding that you are not American and therefore do not analyze things.

By my understanding the basic premise of language is as a form of communication. It's constantly evolving and changing to keep up with the times, and to make the challenge of communicating through words more efficient and effective (see: Ye Olde Shoppe). If I say 'U' instead of 'you', all I've done is save time. U still know what I mean, I've put across what I was trying to put across.

The same goes for me saying 'I done my homework' instead of 'I did my homework'. You're picking up what I'm putting down.

So I don't understand what people's problem is with language being used in a different way than traditional rules and structure dictate. If we did that all the time we'd all still be drowning in extraneous fucking vowels.

Obviously there's a line here. If I don't understand what you're trying to say, then the language you're choosing has failed to fulfil it's purpose, and in that case I'll probably say something. I'm not exactly an advocate of theses no longer than 140 characters. To be honest, if I am consistently spelling something wrong maybe it is good to mention it before I embarrass myself on a cover letter. Just don't be a dick.

It's more a stylistic choice than it is a noble cause, really. Advancement of the English language aside, I don't really care how much you abbreviate as long as it sounds pretty and I know what you're talking about.

Hemingway never used two words where one would do and Joyce just kind of brain-puked words onto the page, so whatever works for you works for you. The highest compliment I've ever received on my writing is that I write exactly how I talk. I like when people write exactly how they talk.

So, in summary, stop being grammar nazis, just because it's fashionable doesn't mean it's cool. And if you call me out on using Oxford commas then I will murder you, because it's not clever and no one cares about Oxford commas deep down, not even you.